This article really hit home as I am currently parenting my sweet, sometimes sassy, 22 month old lil girl!
Toddler Discipline: Mama's Bad Behavior
As of late I find myself at a loss when it comes to toddler discipline. I feel like I have tried everything and I am just getting more frustrated. I have always thought that toddler discipline was more about teaching than punishment. I should be teaching my son how to be a well rounded child that has self control and proper judgment so that he can enter adulthood with the skills needed for a successful happy life.
But I have just been feeling like a failure. My efforts seem to be getting me nowhere fast. My son still doesn't listen, and he doesn't seem to learn from the rules I enforce. I know he is young, but the fact that intentionally defies me makes me feel that he doesn't respect me, trust me, or care what I say. Then I feel like people think that he is a rotten child and that I am a rotten parent. I don't think that he is a naughty child. I feel like we just can't find what works for us and I feel like I have tried everything.
We started just by removing him from the situation. He was too young to understand and distraction was the best choice. As he has gotten older this doesn't work anymore. He doesn't forget and he just throws a tantrum. When he would get into things that could be dangerous or broken, I tried slapping his hand. This immediately back fired on me and he started hitting everything. The couch, pillows or toys. He would look me in the eye and hit it. Then he started hitting himself in the head when he got upset. I still regret that choice. It didn't stop him from getting into things either. Then we started using time outs. This worked brilliantly for awhile. After just a few times in timeout I only had to threaten that some behavior would receive time out and he would back away and not go back. By 22 months, he couldn't care less about timeout. We have tried timeout in his room, in a chair, on our lap. After timeout we would discuss why he was there and why we didn't want him doing whatever the unacceptable thing was. As soon as we get done talking he goes right back to doing it. Even though we don't seem to get any results, we have always been consistent. I'm a one warning mama.
I have been so angry and frustrated. I have asked all my friends for their take on toddler discipline. For the most part they have had nothing to offer me. I have been asking myself over and over what I am doing wrong. The more angry and frustrated I get, the guiltier I feel as well. About a month ago, things got so bad I yelled at my son for the first time. That has always been my goal, not to yell, and I absolutely screamed at him. I am still so ashamed.
So when I had my newborn last month and they sent home a bunch of DVD's with me on parenting, I was ecstatic to see one on discipline. I popped it in and was pleased to see that the distraction techniques we had employed in his younger days were spot on. As it began talking about toddler behavior, I was glad to see them discussing the things I am dealing with, tantrums and testing the limits. I was eager for the advice on how to handle it. I was then dismayed to see all it had to offer for toddler discipline was the very things that have been failing for me. Time out and distraction. I started crying as I listened, wondering why these things weren't working for me, feeling even more like a failure. When one of the final statements hit me like a ton of bricks.
These behaviors are not the child being naughty, but the child learning. I completely agree with this. As I said before,I don't think my son is naughty. Then they said, "Just as crying is to be expected from babies, tantrums should be expected from toddlers. They are unable to keep control all the time, they are still learning. You should expect this kind of behavior". It was like a light turned on.
My husband and I have always talked about people getting angry when a baby cries and how stupid we think that is. Babies cry, what do they expect. Well, why am I getting angry that my son is having tantrums. Toddlers have tantrums, what did I expect? I suddenly don't feel like such a failure anymore. My son is doing exactly what is expected of him. And I am the one that needs to change my behavior. We will continue to do that which we have been doing and stay consistent with it so that when the day comes that he can reason, he won't be confused. And whenever I feel the anger start to rise, I will remind myself that tantrums and testing the limits are just like crying. I need to offer more love and support, and someday, my son will understand and reason. Then the teaching will begin.
adapted from http://www.whattoexpect.com/blogs/theycallmemommy/toddler-discipline-mamas-bad-behavior
Transitioning Toddlers Between Activities
When it's time to guide your toddler from one activity to the next, you may be met with some serious resistance. Avoid tantrums when transitioning toddlers between activities by using some of these tried-and-true tactics.
No sane parent wants to disrupt a happily playing toddler who is absorbed in her Little People characters, the slide at the playground, or her music class. But unfortunately, the world can't always run on toddler time. And when you’re ready to go, and your tot — yes, the one who’s smack in the middle of a game or activity — isn’t, things can get ugly fast. That’s because winding down one kind of play and moving on to something else is a learned skill. Indeed, transitioning toddlers between activities can be a tricky time if you don’t ease the way. It does no good to reassure your toddler that she’ll be able to get back to the playground another time because in your toddler’s mind, leaving the place she’s had fun all morning is as traumatic as setting sail for Siberia.
So how can you make transitioning toddlers between activities a little easier? These strategies can help even the most stubborn toddler switch gears:
Toddler Discipline: Mama's Bad Behavior
As of late I find myself at a loss when it comes to toddler discipline. I feel like I have tried everything and I am just getting more frustrated. I have always thought that toddler discipline was more about teaching than punishment. I should be teaching my son how to be a well rounded child that has self control and proper judgment so that he can enter adulthood with the skills needed for a successful happy life.
But I have just been feeling like a failure. My efforts seem to be getting me nowhere fast. My son still doesn't listen, and he doesn't seem to learn from the rules I enforce. I know he is young, but the fact that intentionally defies me makes me feel that he doesn't respect me, trust me, or care what I say. Then I feel like people think that he is a rotten child and that I am a rotten parent. I don't think that he is a naughty child. I feel like we just can't find what works for us and I feel like I have tried everything.
We started just by removing him from the situation. He was too young to understand and distraction was the best choice. As he has gotten older this doesn't work anymore. He doesn't forget and he just throws a tantrum. When he would get into things that could be dangerous or broken, I tried slapping his hand. This immediately back fired on me and he started hitting everything. The couch, pillows or toys. He would look me in the eye and hit it. Then he started hitting himself in the head when he got upset. I still regret that choice. It didn't stop him from getting into things either. Then we started using time outs. This worked brilliantly for awhile. After just a few times in timeout I only had to threaten that some behavior would receive time out and he would back away and not go back. By 22 months, he couldn't care less about timeout. We have tried timeout in his room, in a chair, on our lap. After timeout we would discuss why he was there and why we didn't want him doing whatever the unacceptable thing was. As soon as we get done talking he goes right back to doing it. Even though we don't seem to get any results, we have always been consistent. I'm a one warning mama.
I have been so angry and frustrated. I have asked all my friends for their take on toddler discipline. For the most part they have had nothing to offer me. I have been asking myself over and over what I am doing wrong. The more angry and frustrated I get, the guiltier I feel as well. About a month ago, things got so bad I yelled at my son for the first time. That has always been my goal, not to yell, and I absolutely screamed at him. I am still so ashamed.
So when I had my newborn last month and they sent home a bunch of DVD's with me on parenting, I was ecstatic to see one on discipline. I popped it in and was pleased to see that the distraction techniques we had employed in his younger days were spot on. As it began talking about toddler behavior, I was glad to see them discussing the things I am dealing with, tantrums and testing the limits. I was eager for the advice on how to handle it. I was then dismayed to see all it had to offer for toddler discipline was the very things that have been failing for me. Time out and distraction. I started crying as I listened, wondering why these things weren't working for me, feeling even more like a failure. When one of the final statements hit me like a ton of bricks.
These behaviors are not the child being naughty, but the child learning. I completely agree with this. As I said before,I don't think my son is naughty. Then they said, "Just as crying is to be expected from babies, tantrums should be expected from toddlers. They are unable to keep control all the time, they are still learning. You should expect this kind of behavior". It was like a light turned on.
My husband and I have always talked about people getting angry when a baby cries and how stupid we think that is. Babies cry, what do they expect. Well, why am I getting angry that my son is having tantrums. Toddlers have tantrums, what did I expect? I suddenly don't feel like such a failure anymore. My son is doing exactly what is expected of him. And I am the one that needs to change my behavior. We will continue to do that which we have been doing and stay consistent with it so that when the day comes that he can reason, he won't be confused. And whenever I feel the anger start to rise, I will remind myself that tantrums and testing the limits are just like crying. I need to offer more love and support, and someday, my son will understand and reason. Then the teaching will begin.
adapted from http://www.whattoexpect.com/blogs/theycallmemommy/toddler-discipline-mamas-bad-behavior
Transitioning Toddlers Between Activities
When it's time to guide your toddler from one activity to the next, you may be met with some serious resistance. Avoid tantrums when transitioning toddlers between activities by using some of these tried-and-true tactics.
No sane parent wants to disrupt a happily playing toddler who is absorbed in her Little People characters, the slide at the playground, or her music class. But unfortunately, the world can't always run on toddler time. And when you’re ready to go, and your tot — yes, the one who’s smack in the middle of a game or activity — isn’t, things can get ugly fast. That’s because winding down one kind of play and moving on to something else is a learned skill. Indeed, transitioning toddlers between activities can be a tricky time if you don’t ease the way. It does no good to reassure your toddler that she’ll be able to get back to the playground another time because in your toddler’s mind, leaving the place she’s had fun all morning is as traumatic as setting sail for Siberia.
So how can you make transitioning toddlers between activities a little easier? These strategies can help even the most stubborn toddler switch gears:
- Give fair warning. Many parents swear by a warning system — a countdown that lets a tot know that going-home-for-lunch draws nigh. (Another reminder or two after the initial heads-up might be necessary, lest your child sink so far back into her game that she forget the original warning.) So, consider giving a ten-minute warning, a five-minute warning, and then a two-minute warning, so your busy bee has time to disengage in her activity. Something along the lines of, “Okay, in ten minutes we’re going to go home, so that means you can go down the slide just three more times!” Dangling an incentive never hurts either: “Five more minutes, and then it’s home for grilled-cheese triangles.” You’ll find that works much better than, “Okay, enough with the dump truck, it’s nap time!”
- Implement a transition ritual. It’s a trick every good preschool teacher uses when transitioning toddlers between activities. At preschool, when it’s time for the blocks to go away and the lunch boxes to be opened, there’s generally a “clean-up song” specially designed not only to tidy the playroom, but also to signal that one activity is over and another will soon begin. This keeps toddlers engaged and entertained when moving from one thing to the next. Make up your own transition ritual — appropriate for the occasion. It could include packing up, washing hands, having a drink of water, and/or singing a song such as, “Go home, go home, now is when we go-o-o home.” If you feel silly singing in public, keep in mind that every other mom knows (and has sung) some version of the song, too!
- Enlist transitional objects. Some kids are happy to leave — provided they can take a little something with them for the road. It’s great if your best friend — and her child — don't object if your toddler wants to borrow the toy phone she’s been absorbed with, but chances are, the phone’s rightful owner will put up a fuss. So, when transitioning toddlers between activities, you may want to come up with your own transitional objects. For instance, when leaving the park, suggest your child collect some leaves to take with her. Or when leaving the beach, help her find and take home some shells. If you know in advance that your child won’t be able to take anything home with her — how would this play out in a toy store, after all? — come prepared with a little purse or backpack filled with special things (a couple of stickers, a rubber car, or some play dough) for later. When it’s time to leave, hand the bag over to your toddler to engage her attention and then — quick! — into the car or stroller, even as she’s sorting through her new treasure chest of goodies.
- Make a timer the scapegoat. An egg timer (or the alarm on your watch or cell phone) may be one of the most underrated tools a parent can have. Instead of droning on and on about five more minutes (“No, really, this time I mean it, FIVE MINUTES”), show your child that you’re setting the timer — and make sure you’re ready to dash when it pings. For some mysterious reason, when transitioning toddlers between activities, kids obey an inanimate timer much more readily and cheerfully than they do their own parent. And having a “ping” announce it’s time to move on takes the pressure off you. You’re not the one ending the fun — it’s that darned timer’s fault!